Light can only exist alongside darkness

I’m grateful for ALL the bits.

False light and spiritual bypassing encourage you to only look at the “good stuff”, “count your blessings”, and “stay positive”.

“Love and light” ONLY.

But that’s not how we learn and grow.

That’s not how we tend to our wounds.

That’s not how we break the victim/perpetrator cycle.

That’s not how we heal ancestral trauma.

Being in love and light means being willing to courageously acknowledge and venture into the dark parts of ourselves and the world.

Without fighting.

With compassion, grace, and vulnerability.

By keeping our hearts open even when they are broken.

By fiercely and gently becoming the space for change in ourselves and the world.

Being love and light means shining in the darkness.

After all — how else would you know you’re shining?

Stop taking your breath for granted

“Pneuma” is Ancient Greek for “breath”, also interpreted as "spirit" or "soul".

As my lungs slowly heal from pneumonia, I am listening to a new audiobook: Mary Magdalene Revealed, by @megganwatterson

Immediately, I am struck by her experience of prayer simply being taking a breath.

We take our breath for granted.

We rarely notice it or focus our attention on it, and yet, it is so critical to our survival and wellbeing.

Breath is the vehicle for prana life force energy like bread is the vehicle for really good butter.

When we inhale, our breath carries this life force throughout our bodies.

When we exhale, we can release and let go of what is no longer serving us.

Breath is one of the only things that happens automatically and intentionally.

Let’s make every breath a grateful prayer for getting to live this tumultuous, challenging, beautiful, terrifying, awesome, extraordinary experience.

Past life remembrance: the ultimate disconnection, numbing and distraction

Tonight I had an extraordinary experience during my kundalini session with @j_.eye._

It was filled with visions, visceral embodied remembrances, past life memories and soul initiations.

I was feeling energy like a swarm of bees surrounding me.

Fear, exhaustion, darkness.

My intention for the kundalini session was to move through this energy, breaking it up and metaphorically punching it in the face.

For almost an entire month, I have been dealing with sickness.

First COVID, the pneumonia, and still…shortness of breath and some coughing.

This sense of fear, and a feeling of being trapped and disconnected has been building for 25 days.

Halfway through the session, I received visions.

Tall columns, a pool of still water, a white lotus flower throne, a version of me (that I understand to be my higher self) with long wavy hair and white robes, my hand holding a spherical crystal that resembled Earth (which I own), and a square portal that opened in the heavens which transmitted the message: YOUR BODY IS THE PORTAL.

This is a message that I have received upon three occasions now.

Once during an ayahuasca ceremony in 2019, then during a holotropic breath work session in 2020 the week before lockdown, and again now in 2021.

During savasana at the close of the session, my forearms/hands and calves/feet began to feel very heavy.

It felt like I was being “worked on”.

I chuckled to myself and thought, “Work on my lungs! They need it!”

But my understanding of the experience immediately changed: I wasn’t being worked on, I was being held down.

The emotions coursing through my body were disbelief, sadness, confusion and betrayal. It felt like someone that I was familiar with.

The familiar being covered my crown and third eye centers with a thick, gritty, claylike substance, disconnecting my channel of wisdom, intuition and power.

The familiar being was dimming my abilities, effectively putting me to “sleep”.

I wondered: is this happening NOW? Is this happening to someone else? Or is this happening to me in a past life?

Since I was receiving the download in the present, I ruled that out. The depth of sadness and bodily sensations made me realize it had happened to me in a past life.

My whole body began to shake as I wept.

My body remembered before my mind. All month I have felt disconnected and held down.

Moving through 2021

How are you feeling?

I have been moving through.
A LOT.

As another powerful full moon approaches, I am reflecting on the full spectrum of what I’ve experienced this year.

2021 has presented several opportunities for me to surrender, trust, process and move through my shadows, my feelings and my patterns.

Unconscious traumas surfaced.

Dramatic changes occurred in our business.

Multiple coaching programs and courses presented perpetual opportunities for personal development.

Developing a kundalini / breath work / movement practice helped me get grounded and remain aligned.

Losing our beloved best friend, Zoey, shook my world and cracked me open on another level. Experiencing this grief helped me to love myself on a fundamental level.

Brisco having multiple health issues added stress and uncertainty.

Many friends and colleagues going through major life changes helped me keep things in perspective.

Intentionally choosing and strengthening my nearly 20 year relationship with my husband offered a huge growth edge and helped me realize that everything I need I can generate for myself, leaving me free to be and free to simply love my partner without expectation or judgement.

Intense self-care and deep rest — shedding my martyrdom — helped me cultivate self-worth.

Expressing myself visibly in the world became easier as I realized that I naturally shine — I don’t need to wait until I feel safe to do so!

Making deeper, soul-nourishing connections with women pushed me to take up more space and recognize my value and magic.

Integrating my ayahuasca ceremonies has brought me an embodied sense of purpose and perspective on my role in this existence.

Full embodiment of my gifts and presence was earned through practice, healing, clearing and really GOING THERE at every turn.

Joyful celebration was had on many occasions.

Stepping into my role as a healer and working with other women to transform their patterns has helped me realized that I am here to help others let go of and transform their pain into their power. To turn their wounding patterns into possibilities.

What are you moving through this year???

Let your suffering move you

I am committed to sharing the dark, the messy, the turbulent, the pain.

I am also committed to doing the work to alchemize my shadows, refracting and remembering until they emerge in the world as love and light.

To cleanse and clear and purify.

To distill and make ready for what’s coming.

We are building a billion tiny bridges to the future with our energy, our patterns, our DNA and our consciousness.

Let your emotions do their work.

Let your pain and grief unravel you and strip you bare.

Let your suffering MOVE you.

It’s time to rise

For the past three weeks I’ve been insulated and internal and closed off.

I’ve been dealing with Covid and the pneumonia and I’m still not 100%.

I still can’t fully breathe.

And at the same time I’m seeing the world just go further and further and further into the dark and it’s fucking time for us to rise.

It’s time for us to bring light into the dark places.

It’s time for us emerge and shine.

Stop pretending you’re confused.

Drop all of the veils.

Don’t fall prey to the distractions.

Heart warriors, I am talking to you.

It’s time for us to rise.

What little lies are you telling yourself?

Somewhere along the line, I started telling myself a lie that I couldn’t wear purple eyeshadow because it made me look like I had dark circles under my eyes.

For years, I avoided it, despite purple being one of my favorite colors.

And why? Because of a silly little lie I generated during a moment of self-criticism and low self-esteem.

At 37, I know better. My inner wisdom calls bullshit. My higher self says, “wear whatever the fuck brings you joy and makes you feel good.”

Recently, on a trip to Sephora with the incomparable @hanlie224 I bought ALL the purple makeup, and I have been rocking it ever since.

What little pleasures have you been denying yourself?

It’s time to break free, to feel grounded and at home within yourself.

It’s time that you belong to you FIRST.

It’s time for you to recognize that everything you want and need in life is generated from inside of you — love, joy, compassion, gratitude, prosperity, peace.

Shout out to the purple sparkly eye makeup high school Breean.

NOW is a special occasion

I used to keep all of my special, most beautiful things tucked away for some “special occasion” that inevitably never came.

But here’s the truth: SOMEDAY never arrives.

All we have is NOW.

And, I don’t know about you, but I want my now to be fucking fabulous.

🦄🦄🦄

This the reminder you didn’t know you needed.

You don’t need a “special occasion” to rock that glitzy necklace, spend a luxurious amount of time doing your makeup, use that expensive perfume, or wear the most gorgeous dress you’ve got.

Wear it NOW.
Express yourself NOW.
Be the most fun, sparkly extravagant version of yourself NOW.

Shine your light NOW.

Here’s to making every moment a special one for yourself. ⭐️

Rock your strange magic, ladies.

Clear, strengthen and prepare

Clear. Strengthen. Prepare.

I am a pillar of pure white light and so are you.

As bringers of the light, we are being called to prepare by cleansing and clearing ourselves of all of the *shit* flying around us.

Clearing our bodies, our minds and our spirits.

Strengthening and protecting our energy so we can hold and wield more than we ever imagined possible.

Letting our attachments to the things that hold us back, keep us small and dim our light.

Annihilation of the *self* in service to something much greater.

Practicing with courage, patience, integrity, grace and humility is required to generate the inner peace and love that we are here to manifest on earth.

It’s time for some strange magic.

Share your magic, freely

I walked straight into a trap today.

A trap of my own making.

One that I’ve walked into countless times before.

As my gifts emerge, I keep trying to turn them into a business.

I keep asking, “How can I *use* my gifts to get what I want in life?”

I keep forgetting what I am here to do and who I came here to be.

I am not here to create some kind of “nice”, “successful” life for myself.

I am here to squeeze every last drop of human experience out of this life.

To transmute my pain and longing and grief and shadows into light and joy and peace and freedom.

To poke holes in the illusion that holds all of us back from our truth until that veil disintegrates and we can all see.

To keep my heart open throughout all of this, so that I can hold and nurture myself.

To hold you safely in your own journey to alchemize your shadows into light.

I’m here to help you release your pain, recognize your patterns and reveal your true, fully-expressed self.

So.
No more turning my gift into a business.
No more offers or funnels or social media strategies.
No more studying, consuming, training and certifications.
No more of the shit that gets in the way of me doing what I am here to do.

I am going to show up and serve, and you can hold me to it.

It’s time to share my strange kind of magic freely with the world.

❤️ Much love, Bree

We are never alone

I was having a dark day.

It was nearly 2 years ago, and only a few months after having a transcendent ayahuasca experience that showed me how EVERYTHING is connected.

Yet, I was feeling isolated, alone and disconnected.

I walked out into my back property and I was instantly overwhelmed with a swarm of dragonflies.

Thousands of tiny drones zigging and zagging across the sky.

And I was reminded that I am not alone.

Truth: in September of that year, swarms of dragonflies swept across the Midwest in such large numbers that they were picked up by weather radar systems!

Truth: dragonflies symbolize transformation, change, adaptability and self-realization.

Truth: they only spend a few weeks of their lives as the beautiful, gossamer-winged creatures that we know them as. The balance of their lives is spent in stages of transformation.

Truth: dragonflies can fly in all directions, even backwards, which makes them a beautiful example of the personal growth process.

To this day, when I spot a dragonfly it reminds me that I am in a state of transformation and that I am not alone.

We are never alone.

Even during our transformation, when we feel as if no one else has ever felt the way we feel.

Safety is an illusion

It’s not safe to shine.

☝️☝️ One of my deepest core wounds revealed itself this year.

With some contemplation, and a ton of support from my healing tribe, I realized that waiting for a feeling of “safety” before allowing myself to fully shine was a farce.

You see, energetically, the concept of safety is a deeper level of something we humans also constantly seek: certainty.

We are so caught up in being right, having full clarity and feeling safe as a precursor for taking action and making our deepest desires happen.

Friends, safety is an illusion.

And being brave (like I know you are!) means acting in the face of fear and uncertainty.

So, quit waiting for the conditions to be perfectly right and safe before you create the life you desire.

Lay down the need for yourself to be perfect before you take action and share yourself with the world.

Release any thoughts that sound like, “When things are like ___, then I will be able to ___.”

It’s time to create the conditions you’re desperately seeking by embodying them in the world.

It’s time to Be Brave.

Are you a victim in your healing process?

Victim Energy comes out when our ego and our shadows try to keep us where we are in life.

But when you’re constantly working on yourself and you’re trying to bring your shadows into the light you’re going to have to realize that your ego and your shadows are going to keep trying to make sure that you’re disconnected from yourself and your feelings and your emotions and from other people who can support you.

It will tell you lies like “no one else can understand what you’re going through” or “you’re in this alone” or “no one is strong enough to hold you in this space” or “what will other people think of you if you share what you’re going through?”

So, not only do you keep yourself isolated, but you start to blame other people for not being there for you.

But the problem is you’re the one creating that situation!

Where are you playing a victim in your own healing process?

Transforming at the speed of light

I did a full 180. Crazy. Thinkin’ ‘bout the way I was.

Last November, I experienced a bit of a personal crisis.

Until that point I had only been working on things that I was consciously aware of that I wanted to work on.

In 2020 my life turned upside down in so many ways because so many things that were unconscious to me that I didn’t know where issues started to pop up and just smack me out of left field and I had no ability to grapple with them in the moment.

I became a victim in my own healing process.

No one could understand me.

I was alone.

I was blaming others for reacting to my reactions!

Fast forward to this year June around the solar eclipse.

I paused to reflect on what I was going through last fall and I didn’t even recognize myself in my journal entries.

I have done so much healing in the last six months I don’t even recognize myself from earlier this the same month!

The process of transformation is speeding up to the point where from second to second I’m a different person.

Time is speeding up.
It’s collapsing.
It’s making way for my becoming and yours.

How have you made a 180 lately??

I’m fine on my own

I’m fine on my own.

This insecure story has ruled me.
It has shaped by perception of reality.
It has had me place limits on myself and other people.

This declaration has shaped my life for 37 years.

I have exhausted myself trying to do everything and prove my worth.

It has kept me from having deeply connected relationships.

It has held me back from asking for and receiving help, even when I desperately needed it.

It has robbed others of the opportunity to contribute to my life through supporting and loving me.

I’ve been living in a world of of my own making.

With the same power I used to create the world of “I’m fine on my own”, I am empowered to create a new world as I celebrate my 37th trip around the sun.

A world full of possibilities where I am devoted to my healing and the healing and transformation of others.

I discovered this distinction through a ton of self-study and contemplation, energetic clearing, and through attending the Landmark Forum and the Landmark Advanced Course.

And, I’m already signed up for the next course because what I’ve shared with you today is only one of the many breakthroughs I have experienced via Landmark!

I’ve reconnected with my father after having no relationship for years.

I have restored integrity in multiple friendships.

I shared the limits I had been placing on my mother and our relationship.

And I went from talking about divorce to having a conversation for possibility for our lives with my husband and high school sweetheart.

This work is no joke.

If you’re ready to reshape your reality and create a life full of freedom, check out the courses that Landmark has on offer.

It will change your life if you’re open to it.

There is no try. Be effortless.

I have a secret. I am constantly trying to be Good. At. Everything.

When I deliver something at work, my first draft has to be customer-ready.

When I learn something new, I have to get it right away or I get frustrated.

When I show up to coaching calls, I eagerly report all of the things that I have accomplished.

When I coach or lead a meeting, I am always worried about how much value the other person is getting out of it.

But it doesn’t stop there.

The need to BE good at things and to BE RECOGNIZED by others for being good at things is so pervasive that it has infiltrated my system in the silliest of ways.

I am good at pumping gas — so efficient, never dripping gas on my shoes and always moving my car when I am finished.

When I get a massage, I have to be the most flexible and tolerant of pain.

When I order at starbucks, I have to do it properly (the way we used to do it when we had to call drinks out loud).

When I go to the hair salon, I have to hold my head just so in the washing bowl and never complain about the temperature of the water.

When I do kundalini yoga, I have to overcommit to the positions, squeeze my abdomen fiercely, hold my breath the longest, straighten my spine the most, and use so much effort during the breath of fire that my belly movement can be seen from space.

So, when I asked my teacher after a recent kundalini session what she was noticing — hoping to improve, of course — she told me that I should use less effort.

I was “efforting”.

And, I realized, that I am never not efforting.

It is exhausting, this need to be good and to be seen as being good.

It’s a zero sum game where i constantly judge myself, and I never receive enough acknowledgement.

Where I am never enough.

As I write this post, I am trying to do it “well” and I will seek validation in the form of likes and comments.

The silver lining is, the more conscious I become of this efforting in the moment, the funnier it is to me.

It is truly so silly and insignificant.

If you struggle with this pattern, I invite you to notice how silly you are being & have a little laugh at yourself in the moment. And then, use less effort.

Healing is the new high

Partaking in cannabis used to make me feel freer.

Along with alcohol, it used to give me courage and a quick way to be “on” and ready to interact with others.

It made small talk impossibly interesting.

It helped me loosen up and relax.

Lately, though, it has had a different impact.

I become quiet and withdrawn.

The energy around me becomes too intense and I retreat into a blurry haze.

At the same time, I have started to feel *high* when I am not high.

Trippy visuals and patterns play behind my eyelids.

My body hums with trance-like tingles.

The edges of nature are beginning to blur as I perceive this experience through my human eyes.

And I am becoming more and more sensitive to stimulants.

After already being alcohol-free for the past 90 days, I am now removing a few other stimulants from my life: cannabis and coffee.

Where I used to find courage and confidence, energy and excitement, I now feel overstimulated and numbed at the same time.

My friends, healing is the new high.

What is my dizziness showing me?

Today is a dizzy day.

I am lightheaded, slightly dizzy and I have some subtle vertigo when I move my head or body in certain ways.

I have been dealing with this on and off for years now. In the past, I have attributed it to stress, burnout, fatigue, and Epstein Barr.

“I haven’t been dizzy in months” was something I said to my parents just last weekend.

“I think it’s because I stopped drinking, I have been doing kundalini yoga and I have been resting a lot more.”

What happened the next day? I got smacked with dizziness. And it hasn’t left my side since.

It has pretended to lighten up only to resurface if I dare to think, “maybe it’s gone”.

In the past, I would have experienced my dizziness as a burden — as something that prevented me from going about my day and being productive.

Now, I contemplate it.

I ask:

Why has my dizziness chosen to be present today?

What is it trying to tell me or show me?

What is my dizziness creating space for?

I have been doing so much intense energetic work. So much clearing. So much pattern releasing.

My body is releasing, processing and detoxifying, which requires a lot of rest, nourishment, gentleness, and patience.

Now, instead of becoming frustrated by what my body is taking from me or preventing me from doing, I see that my body is giving me something...and it’s my job to be open and available to receive it.

Instead of complaining.
Instead of forcing myself to work inside at my computer.
Instead of pushing my body to be OK too quickly.

I am taking the afternoon to move slowly, to ground my body in the earth, to soak up the sunshine, and to meditate this gorgeous maple tree.

Let’s be honest. This is a chaotic, transformative period of rebirth.

Every person I talk to is experiencing some sort of ego death, grief, loss, illness or transformation...whether they are ready for it or not.

And we can either fight, force, deny, and push our way through.

Or, we can surrender to the gifts that are being presented to us.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Rest deeply and come alive

Deep rest.

It’s what my body needs.
It’s what my mind needs.
It’s what my spirit needs.

It’s what we all need.

You’re not here to “earn a living”.

You’re not here to prove your worth.

You’re here to come alive.

To devote yourself to the unraveling, the unwinding, the unfolding.

To experience the pleasure of this existence through the portal that is your body.

To soak in the sun.
To feel the breeze on the edges of your skin.
To romp and play and find joy.

You’re here to BE your purpose.
To embody your unique genius.
To harness your very own strange kind of magic.

What are you trying to prove?

My days used to be so full of DOING.

A crushing amount of work finished day after day was how I proved my worth.

For years, I have consciously WANTED to do less and to BE more.

But wanting to change wasn’t enough.

I had to see myself differently.
I had to see my world differently.
I had to see others differently.

It’s one thing to say things like..

“I want more being and less doing.”

“I can’t keep going at this pace.”

“When I achieve xyz, THEN I will slow down and take some time off.”

“It shouldn’t have to be this hard.”

It’s another thing to surface and shed layer after layer of limiting beliefs, patterns and stories.

It’s another thing to realize that what was keeping me in perpetual burnout was ME.

It’s another thing to recognize that maybe, just maybe, people will love me and value me just for showing up and being myself...without having to do everything, carry everything, and take care of everything.

And it really is another thing to truly love myself, to rebuild my self-trust, and to recognize my value simply for showing up.

I don’t have to be a certain way to be loved, and neither do you.

So, what are you trying to prove?