You are not an imposter, the world is

What if feeing imposter syndrome is a signal?

Maybe it’s our higher self gently reminding us that the matrix we’re living in is an illusion.

When our reality isn’t honest, why do we believe that WE are the frauds?

Next time you get fraudy feelings, remind yourself that you are an infinite creation.

Light can only exist alongside darkness

I’m grateful for ALL the bits.

False light and spiritual bypassing encourage you to only look at the “good stuff”, “count your blessings”, and “stay positive”.

“Love and light” ONLY.

But that’s not how we learn and grow.

That’s not how we tend to our wounds.

That’s not how we break the victim/perpetrator cycle.

That’s not how we heal ancestral trauma.

Being in love and light means being willing to courageously acknowledge and venture into the dark parts of ourselves and the world.

Without fighting.

With compassion, grace, and vulnerability.

By keeping our hearts open even when they are broken.

By fiercely and gently becoming the space for change in ourselves and the world.

Being love and light means shining in the darkness.

After all — how else would you know you’re shining?

Extraction is a distraction

Capitalism requires that we EXTRACT money, energy and value from everything, including ourselves.

We have been so conditioned that this self-extraction feels natural.

It goes unquestioned.

What happens if we don’t have to extract?

What is possible when we don’t have to prove ourselves?

What energy is freed up for creation when we don’t have to monetize everything?

Where in your life are you forcing, proving, monetizing, counting, taking from, feeding off, making persistent withdrawals, or extracting?

What would be a radical act instead?

Rest?

A luxurious bath?

Loving even when you’re scared?

Giving without getting anything in return?

Being present in every moment?

Enjoying the unique expression of others (or yourself!) without judgement?

NOW is a special occasion

I used to keep all of my special, most beautiful things tucked away for some “special occasion” that inevitably never came.

But here’s the truth: SOMEDAY never arrives.

All we have is NOW.

And, I don’t know about you, but I want my now to be fucking fabulous.

🦄🦄🦄

This the reminder you didn’t know you needed.

You don’t need a “special occasion” to rock that glitzy necklace, spend a luxurious amount of time doing your makeup, use that expensive perfume, or wear the most gorgeous dress you’ve got.

Wear it NOW.
Express yourself NOW.
Be the most fun, sparkly extravagant version of yourself NOW.

Shine your light NOW.

Here’s to making every moment a special one for yourself. ⭐️

Rock your strange magic, ladies.

Clear, strengthen and prepare

Clear. Strengthen. Prepare.

I am a pillar of pure white light and so are you.

As bringers of the light, we are being called to prepare by cleansing and clearing ourselves of all of the *shit* flying around us.

Clearing our bodies, our minds and our spirits.

Strengthening and protecting our energy so we can hold and wield more than we ever imagined possible.

Letting our attachments to the things that hold us back, keep us small and dim our light.

Annihilation of the *self* in service to something much greater.

Practicing with courage, patience, integrity, grace and humility is required to generate the inner peace and love that we are here to manifest on earth.

It’s time for some strange magic.

Dance with life

Cherish every tiny blissful moment of your existence.

Be grateful for the beauty and the grief and the joy and the pain.

Receive the love that is forever surrounding you.

Be the embodiment of what you desire the most.

Do you desire love?
Be love in action.

Do you yearn for truth?
Be honest and authentic.

Looking for abundance?
Be generous and give without the expectation of receiving.

Dogs are the greatest of teachers for the simplest of lessons that we, as humans, overcomplicate.

Give. Love. Chill. Play.
Dance with life.

Safety is an illusion

It’s not safe to shine.

☝️☝️ One of my deepest core wounds revealed itself this year.

With some contemplation, and a ton of support from my healing tribe, I realized that waiting for a feeling of “safety” before allowing myself to fully shine was a farce.

You see, energetically, the concept of safety is a deeper level of something we humans also constantly seek: certainty.

We are so caught up in being right, having full clarity and feeling safe as a precursor for taking action and making our deepest desires happen.

Friends, safety is an illusion.

And being brave (like I know you are!) means acting in the face of fear and uncertainty.

So, quit waiting for the conditions to be perfectly right and safe before you create the life you desire.

Lay down the need for yourself to be perfect before you take action and share yourself with the world.

Release any thoughts that sound like, “When things are like ___, then I will be able to ___.”

It’s time to create the conditions you’re desperately seeking by embodying them in the world.

It’s time to Be Brave.

Transforming at the speed of light

I did a full 180. Crazy. Thinkin’ ‘bout the way I was.

Last November, I experienced a bit of a personal crisis.

Until that point I had only been working on things that I was consciously aware of that I wanted to work on.

In 2020 my life turned upside down in so many ways because so many things that were unconscious to me that I didn’t know where issues started to pop up and just smack me out of left field and I had no ability to grapple with them in the moment.

I became a victim in my own healing process.

No one could understand me.

I was alone.

I was blaming others for reacting to my reactions!

Fast forward to this year June around the solar eclipse.

I paused to reflect on what I was going through last fall and I didn’t even recognize myself in my journal entries.

I have done so much healing in the last six months I don’t even recognize myself from earlier this the same month!

The process of transformation is speeding up to the point where from second to second I’m a different person.

Time is speeding up.
It’s collapsing.
It’s making way for my becoming and yours.

How have you made a 180 lately??

Surrender and step through

I walked through a portal today.

I let go of the defending.
I let go of the effort-ing.
I let go of the proving.

I let go of the pain and the dizziness and the confusion and the uncertainty.

I surrendered and I stepped through.

What was waiting for me on the other side?

My full wisdom.
My full power.
Total gentleness, calm and peace.
And pure, ecstatic fucking joy.

My body is still humming from the high of it all.

I feel empty and full all at once.

If you’re reading this, perhaps it’s time for you to step through, too.

Are you ready?

What is my dizziness showing me?

Today is a dizzy day.

I am lightheaded, slightly dizzy and I have some subtle vertigo when I move my head or body in certain ways.

I have been dealing with this on and off for years now. In the past, I have attributed it to stress, burnout, fatigue, and Epstein Barr.

“I haven’t been dizzy in months” was something I said to my parents just last weekend.

“I think it’s because I stopped drinking, I have been doing kundalini yoga and I have been resting a lot more.”

What happened the next day? I got smacked with dizziness. And it hasn’t left my side since.

It has pretended to lighten up only to resurface if I dare to think, “maybe it’s gone”.

In the past, I would have experienced my dizziness as a burden — as something that prevented me from going about my day and being productive.

Now, I contemplate it.

I ask:

Why has my dizziness chosen to be present today?

What is it trying to tell me or show me?

What is my dizziness creating space for?

I have been doing so much intense energetic work. So much clearing. So much pattern releasing.

My body is releasing, processing and detoxifying, which requires a lot of rest, nourishment, gentleness, and patience.

Now, instead of becoming frustrated by what my body is taking from me or preventing me from doing, I see that my body is giving me something...and it’s my job to be open and available to receive it.

Instead of complaining.
Instead of forcing myself to work inside at my computer.
Instead of pushing my body to be OK too quickly.

I am taking the afternoon to move slowly, to ground my body in the earth, to soak up the sunshine, and to meditate this gorgeous maple tree.

Let’s be honest. This is a chaotic, transformative period of rebirth.

Every person I talk to is experiencing some sort of ego death, grief, loss, illness or transformation...whether they are ready for it or not.

And we can either fight, force, deny, and push our way through.

Or, we can surrender to the gifts that are being presented to us.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Rest deeply and come alive

Deep rest.

It’s what my body needs.
It’s what my mind needs.
It’s what my spirit needs.

It’s what we all need.

You’re not here to “earn a living”.

You’re not here to prove your worth.

You’re here to come alive.

To devote yourself to the unraveling, the unwinding, the unfolding.

To experience the pleasure of this existence through the portal that is your body.

To soak in the sun.
To feel the breeze on the edges of your skin.
To romp and play and find joy.

You’re here to BE your purpose.
To embody your unique genius.
To harness your very own strange kind of magic.

What are you trying to prove?

My days used to be so full of DOING.

A crushing amount of work finished day after day was how I proved my worth.

For years, I have consciously WANTED to do less and to BE more.

But wanting to change wasn’t enough.

I had to see myself differently.
I had to see my world differently.
I had to see others differently.

It’s one thing to say things like..

“I want more being and less doing.”

“I can’t keep going at this pace.”

“When I achieve xyz, THEN I will slow down and take some time off.”

“It shouldn’t have to be this hard.”

It’s another thing to surface and shed layer after layer of limiting beliefs, patterns and stories.

It’s another thing to realize that what was keeping me in perpetual burnout was ME.

It’s another thing to recognize that maybe, just maybe, people will love me and value me just for showing up and being myself...without having to do everything, carry everything, and take care of everything.

And it really is another thing to truly love myself, to rebuild my self-trust, and to recognize my value simply for showing up.

I don’t have to be a certain way to be loved, and neither do you.

So, what are you trying to prove?

Surrender and release

Just when you think you’ve let go, the universe will show you where you’re still holding on.

Where you’re still controlling.
Where you’re still driving.
Where you’re still forcing.

Where you’re still attached.

You have to give up DOING something.
You have to give up HAVING something.
You have to give up BEING something.

“If we surrendered to earth’s intelligence, we could rise up rooted, like trees.” - Rainer Maria Rilke

Where is attachment holding you back?

For years, I hesitated to call myself an artist despite secretly aching to.

More recently, I observed my discomfort when advocating for a c-level title: Chief Brand & Product Officer.

And, frequently, it is easy to slip into the habit of identifying with things like:

“I’m a projector”
“I’m an enneagram 8”
“I’m an INFP”
“I am a gemini”
“I am the type of person who journals”
“I am a morning person”

What is this attachment to identity, labels and titles?

A sense of external validation.
A signpost that you have achieved something “important”.
A feeling of fitting into a group.

We overly attach and identify with these myths and perceptions so much that they become a core part of our stories and beliefs about ourselves and our reality.

What we REALLY desire.
What we REALLY need is...

To be recognized.
To arrive worthy of love.
To feel connection and belonging.

What do we need to fulfill our true, authentic needs?

(I’ll distill it down as much as possible!)

1. Notice that you are NOT your programming, your patterns, your stories, or the voice inside your head.

2. Surface your shadows, accept them, embrace them, and transmute them into gifts. (Hint: attachment to labels and identities is a great place to begin your journey)

3. Release your attachment and merge into a more resonant, authentic, whole version of yourself.

It’s a process of catch and release.

What label, title, identity or achievement are you attached to at the moment?

Where is this attachment holding you back or having you play small in your life?

What is possible for you if you release your attachment to this concept?

Tarot Reading: Time for bold choices

It’s time for bold choices but your heart is unsettled, causing you to procrastinate and deny your truth.

Movement, change, clarity and momentum are all unlocked, bit by bit, when you surface and integrate your patterns.

Transmuting your shadows into gifts provides the keys that unlock your energy, focus and possibilities.

What is standing in the way of your choice?

Where are you choosing to be confused?

What do you need to boldly follow your instincts?

How can you treat yourself with love and respect on the journey to your highest dreams?

Proving my worth through suffering

Another layer surfaced for me today.

A pattern that I’ve been consciously working through for the past two years keeps serving up new layers for me to observe, integrate and let go of.

The pattern is deriving my value and proving my worth through my work and, more specifically, through my suffering.

This pattern has played out in so many nuanced, tangled ways throughout my life because I get something out of its existence.

It has helped me survive.
It has helped me achieve monetary and work success.
It has proved to others how strong I was and that I could do everything on my own.
It has made me feel indispensable.

But it has also manifested as martyrdom, self-justification, resentment, frustration, confusion, procrastination, self-neglect, manipulation, low self-esteem, self-doubt, disassociation, brain fog, exhaustion, disease and burnout.

And, while it is challenging to continuously surface, integrate and embrace my patterns, it is also a true gift.

Because every time I move through this process, it’s like I receive a new key that unlocks a tiny door to my soul.

I get much closer to what I TRULY want in this life, who I am here to be, and the work I am here to do.

This is your invitation

I’m on assignment.

I made a soul contract to be a mirror, a guide, a healer, and to walk through this lifetime as a living example of what is possible.

What is possible when you integrate your conscious and unconscious being.

What is possible when you fully express yourself and find true belonging within yourself and the collective.

What is possible when you open your heart and love unconditionally, even when it hurts, even when you are full of grief, even when you feel broken, and even when you are afraid.

What is possible when you remember that pure fucking joy is your true and natural way of being.

What is possible when you truly surrender and let go of attachment to things, to proving, to driving, to forcing, to controlling, to hustling, to pushing, to roles and identities, and you find peace, flow and ease.

What is possible for others and the world when you raise your consciousness and integrate your way of being.

What is possible when you connect to the universal collective consciousness and recognize your insignificant AND important role in this lifetime.

I'm a vessel, here to witness and hold space for your journey.

I have been preparing for this work for my entire life, and for many lifetimes before this one.

I work with strong, spirited women who are ready to own their power.

Why? How?

Because I am that woman. And I am claiming my power, my presence and my position in this world.

I’ve found success through controlling, forcing, dominating and proving my value and worth through my suffering.

And, along with it, I have found isolation, loneliness, sadness, grief, sickness, exhaustion, frustration, confusion, and burnout.

I have stood where you are standing.

Everything is possible for you.

This is your invitation.

Slow.

Slow.

That’s how I’m feeling today.

I have tried to change it all morning and I keep sinking deeper.

A distracted meditation.

A frustratingly unproductive journaling session.

A punishment of a breakfast.

Ok. Ok. Ok.

I surrender.

What is this slowness here to show me?

I am moving THROUGH.

I have been downloading, receiving, transmuting and integrating more and more and more.

And sometimes it gets straight up STUCK.

My mind slows.
My body becomes sluggish.
My attention wanders.
My emotions peak and valley in waves.

On overcast days like this one, the colors seem to pierce through brighter than on the sunniest of days...if we only pause to admire them.

What meaning will your life have?

Life is empty and meaningless.

You read that correctly.

Life is empty and meaningless.

...

You are a meaning making machine.

During every second of every day, things are happening in your reality.

What are you doing as these things happen?

You’re making meaning of them.
You’re creating stories about them.
You’re weaving explanations and justifications and reasons for them.

But what is actually happening...is just that things are happening.

Without meaning.

You’re adding the meaning.
You’re adding the context.
You’re adding the perspective.

...

So, what if you noticed that your stories were just stories?

That they were the meaning that YOU made up about circumstances and happenings.

What if you realized that you had a blank slate?

If you realized this, then you could create yourself and your life to have whatever meaning YOU desired.

What meaning will your life have?

Emergence can be exhausting

You may see both wings, expanded, taking up so much space.

But the truth is, I feel trapped in my cocoon. I want so badly to break out, set myself free and be seen, but something is holding me back.

I am still hiding behind my armor, peeking around the edges to see if it’s safe to emerge.

I am practicing all of the things: yoga, meditation, breathing, using the sauna, going outside for walks, drinking more water, dancing, journaling, talking to friends, and I keep getting hit with waves of negative energy.

Is anyone else feeling this? It feels like emotional whiplash.

Transformation is challenging work.

Emergence can be exhausting.

I am ready to rest and take a break. Time to regroup.