There is no try. Be effortless.
I have a secret. I am constantly trying to be Good. At. Everything.
When I deliver something at work, my first draft has to be customer-ready.
When I learn something new, I have to get it right away or I get frustrated.
When I show up to coaching calls, I eagerly report all of the things that I have accomplished.
When I coach or lead a meeting, I am always worried about how much value the other person is getting out of it.
But it doesn’t stop there.
The need to BE good at things and to BE RECOGNIZED by others for being good at things is so pervasive that it has infiltrated my system in the silliest of ways.
I am good at pumping gas — so efficient, never dripping gas on my shoes and always moving my car when I am finished.
When I get a massage, I have to be the most flexible and tolerant of pain.
When I order at starbucks, I have to do it properly (the way we used to do it when we had to call drinks out loud).
When I go to the hair salon, I have to hold my head just so in the washing bowl and never complain about the temperature of the water.
When I do kundalini yoga, I have to overcommit to the positions, squeeze my abdomen fiercely, hold my breath the longest, straighten my spine the most, and use so much effort during the breath of fire that my belly movement can be seen from space.
So, when I asked my teacher after a recent kundalini session what she was noticing — hoping to improve, of course — she told me that I should use less effort.
I was “efforting”.
And, I realized, that I am never not efforting.
It is exhausting, this need to be good and to be seen as being good.
It’s a zero sum game where i constantly judge myself, and I never receive enough acknowledgement.
Where I am never enough.
As I write this post, I am trying to do it “well” and I will seek validation in the form of likes and comments.
The silver lining is, the more conscious I become of this efforting in the moment, the funnier it is to me.
It is truly so silly and insignificant.
If you struggle with this pattern, I invite you to notice how silly you are being & have a little laugh at yourself in the moment. And then, use less effort.
