From hiding to shining

It was about six years ago. I was seeing an energy healer. 

She slowly moved a magnet along my spine in an attempt to detect irregular or blocked energy. 

She paused and asked me if the word "shine" held any significance. 

Mentally, it didn't, however, the moment she uttered the word, tears began to stream down my face. 

I felt cracked in half, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. 

I left the session, raw and depleted, and completely unclear about what had just happened. 

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In the years that followed, I would share my secret trigger word with a few close friends...typically in an attempt to understand why it caused me so much grief. 

Each time I told the story of the energy healer, I would choke up when I tried to say the word: SHINE. 

I struggled to say the word. 

It was painful.

I felt full of shame. It was like I was baring my soul every time I said it. 

Clearly, I had work to do.

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I now know that anytime I struggle to say some core truth, or I find myself judging some aspect of someone else, that there is shadow work to be done. 

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.”

— Carl Jung, Aion (1951)

You see, whenever we feel shame or doubt about a part of ourselves -- no matter if this feeling comes from us or, more likely, from others or society as a whole -- we tend to mask or hide or cleave off that part of us so that we can be accepted, fit in and avoid judgment.

The problem is, we do this with a lot of good parts simply because we get a reaction from others that feels unsafe.

✄ We experience creativity scars when we're young, so we stop making art even though it makes us happy.

✄ We leave the house feeling awesome about a new outfit only to get strange looks from people...and then we show up in the same dreary clothes as everyone else.

✄ We speak or laugh too loudly and we're told that we are too much, so we become quiet.

✄ We yearn to belong and be seen by others so much it hurts, so we end up hurting ourselves by playing small and dimming our light so that we fit in instead of standing apart.

But these parts of us that we hide or shield or cleave off don't really ever go away, you see. They stay within us, causing grief and burnout and depression and anger and anxiety.

“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” - Coco Chanel

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But all is not lost. There is a way back.

We can, with much effort and gratitude, return to ourselves. To who we truly are at our core -- our WHOLE selves.

It's a process of unfolding and remembering.

And it requires that we...

☞ Examine how we show up in the world -- do our "default" behaviors still serve us?

☞ Identify and reconnect with the parts of ourselves we've suppressed and hidden away

☞ Look closely at the "stuff" we've accumulated over the years from the world around us that doesn't belong to us

☞ Begin the arduous and fulfilling work of remapping our brains to build awareness and create new skills and habits that will help us get what we really want in life

☞ Show up, fully alive, with self-compassion, empathy, and grace for ourselves and others

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For the last 3 months, I've been prototyping a process to help other women walk down the path that I've illuminated for myself: Identity Resonance.

Identity Resonance is a messy and beautiful process of remembering, unfolding and embracing the fullest version of ourselves so that our inner and outer identities merge and align into one authentic expression.

It requires a series of mental shifts and the development of powerful, life-changing skills.

One of the shifts is "From Hiding to Shining."

Can you believe that I've finally reached a point -- with much work and effort -- to not only be able to proudly and boldly shout the word "SHINE"...but I have created a program aimed at helping others do the same?

You see, we have to move from shielding ourselves to sharing ourselves in order to truly belong.

And what the world needs, more than ever, is for each of us to belong, first to ourselves, and then to each other.

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If you're interested, here are some snapshots from my work over the past few months.